broken and messy.

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Broken and Messy

I have been stuck for most of the day.

I could lobby that I have been stuck a lot longer than that, but having sat in church earlier today to prepare my mind and ask for a purification of my heart as we walk into lenten season I was reminded that those things in the past that made me feel stuck have been cleared in Christ.

To clarify...when I say I have been stuck most of this day, it has been centered around what to "Give Up" for lent. I can't say I do this for any religious reason. In fact, it wasn't a teaching I grew up with nor have many people around me participating in. ZERO judgement for anyone that doesn't and ZERO judgement for those that do and highlight it everywhere (despite the bible's teaching on fasting and hiding any signs of it from the world so as not to spoil your reward from our Father (Matthew 6:17-18).

I have wanted to give things up in past years because there were always clear substitutes that I used instead of prayer, submission to the will of God and walking in truth to get me through things. Things like coffee and alcohol have been repeat offenders that I could turn to for energy or escape, depending on the time of day. While both have been mild, social habits in my life, the reality is they do interfere with me turning to God. So in years past, I gave them up in an attempt to be more mindful to my connection with Christ and my salvation.

But today I was stuck. What is God asking me to do? What is He inviting me to do. This year feels different...


The Blessed reality of lent is that the cross of Jesus Christ is about TRUTH. Not what things look like, or even feel like, but real TRUTH.

What I know for sure: God's undeserved favor rests on me (and YOU) because He is slooooooooow to anger and ABOUNDING in love.

As I reflect on my life today, ASH Wednesday, I find I still grieve my sins and I grieve for those I have hurt. I am humbled by these memories and yet I am freed just as swiftly by the reality of the ultimate blessing of this season. My invitation today is to be reconciled and restored to relationship with my Father through Christ.I am not a very talented crafter, and when I make things, they always look like they could be posted on Pinterest Fails. When I break things and try to restore them, its even worse. I praise God that I don't have to be in charge of fixing myself. What a mess I would make. What a mess I have made when I have tried. Its only by GRACE I am saved.



Christ fulfilled what I am unable and incapable of doing for myself. He obeyed God's will because I can't. He came to pave the way for me to follow Him and get back up every time I stumble to the ground carrying my own burdens and weaknesses. He is my only way to restoration and reconciliation. The truth and the light.

From dust we came and to dust we will return (Ecclesiastes 3:20). Today leaves me with this reality and humility to meditate on. How is it possible...

Teach me to number my days Lord, that I may gain a heart of wisdom according to your will so that I walk in your purpose and calling over my life all my days.

And so I became unstuck tonight,
as I felt a strong inspiration to write
This Lenten invitation grew so much clearer
As I thought of the readers who could draw nearer...
To Christ as I write each Lenten day a devotion
And relating with you through our very raw emotion
Of the deep suffering that Christ has endured for me and you
And we sort through the false and take on whats true

So I won't "give up" this year; I will instead "take on" following Christ in my weaknesses, in my busyness, in my fatigue, in my judgements, in my failures...and I will cling with all my might to walk closer with Him each day and I invite you to join me in my stumbling. We don't have to rely on our own abilities, Praise God! We simply have to rely on Him.